she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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