if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
