people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
