My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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