The maid of honor just puked.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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