I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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