Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
