I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
