I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
