I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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