just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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