he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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