We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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