She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
