I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
