At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize