Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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