she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
