He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
