he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
