sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
