At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
