Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
