he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
