it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
