and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
