I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
