You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
