I wannas sexs uuuuu
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
