I just threw up on my dentist
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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