Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
