and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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