That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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