I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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