Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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