my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
