No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
