I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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