And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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