Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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