That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize