Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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