hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
