Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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