saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
