Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
