you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
