Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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