i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
