I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
