She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
