Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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