There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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