Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
