Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
