What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
