Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
