I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
