at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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