woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
