def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
