He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
