Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
