why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
